I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it glows. i had to have it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
