That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
