I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
