whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
