the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my poor anus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
