I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
