Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
