Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
