when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
