I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
