How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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