Sponge bath it is.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
