I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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