Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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