I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I cannot find my penis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
