is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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