from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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