Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will be naked everywhere
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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