I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
