She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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