And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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