he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
