***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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