I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
