i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
