Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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