No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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