with your own penis?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
