just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
