You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
