I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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