..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
