Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
