69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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