I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
