The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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