I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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