Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
