Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
