Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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