I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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