Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
