I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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