i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
one two three fourrrrnication!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
