LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
