He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
