the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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