Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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