i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He has the fingertips of a God
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