he puts the penis in happiness.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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