I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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