Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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