For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
