In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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