3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
