k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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