woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
